Dear amateur singers,
Shut up. You have all gotten a song stuck in my head, and I sing it all day while it is there. Just because you have a song stuck in your head doesn’t mean that I want a song stuck in my head. By singing it–or more specifically, just a single line of the song–you are forcing that song to repeat in my brain. Enough is enough. I am guilty of this as much as anyone else, and for that, I apologize. Recognizing this personal failure, I can say that the theory here is sound. Stop singing. End this ridiculous cycle of stuck song syndrome. Don’t be mad at me when the person next to you threatens to smack the song out of your head. When you feel the urge to sing about your horses in the back from “Old Town Road,” restrain yourself with duct tape. The world will thank you.
–Marcus Ireland, Opinion Writer