Dear VSCO girls and Hydroflask owners,
If you aggressively screw the lid off and on your Hydroflasksksksk one more time in the middle of class, I might pop my own lid. I promise you do not need to take a tiny sip of whatever strange liquid you are concealing every seven seconds, and you definitely do not need to shake the ice repeatedly either. Trust me, it’s definitely still in there, and trust me, everyone in this class knows you own a Hydroflask and we are all quaking with jealousy. I don’t know what went wrong with society that we all decided we need to flaunt our water bottles like the newest Louis Vuitton bag, but even people with nice purses don’t slam them on their school desk repeatedly. We’re all proud of you for caring about the environment, but do it quieter please. And I oop.
– Kelli Susemihl, Opinion Presentation Editor