BLOG: Appearing Incognito

Dakota Days is nearly upon us and with it comes the promises of two things, a nearly week long party that will be guaranteed to destroy brain cells and make memories, and police who will be trying three times as hard to ruin it. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the cops when they are arresting drunk drivers and domestic abuser, and in Vermillion there is an unspoken understanding between students and police. Normally, so long as we are being safe with our illegal activities and don’t make a scene, the cops are more or less inclined to simply go along their way. Having to hand out citations or make arrests is something they take no joy in doing, and normally can be avoided with a little courtesy and discretion.

D-Days changes this relationship however, it’s the one week of the fall season the cops are more or less encouraged to make as many arrests and citations as possible. Considering the increased level of stupidity that occurs during this week makes this heat necessary, however this week the police felt the need to make a public announcement on how it intended to crack down on illegal partying and admittedly some helpful things to deal with the physical effects of overdrinking. So, in the spirit of fairness, I feel it’s best to offer you younger students some rules to follow in regards to partying during this week, so you still have a good time without getting caught.

The first rule of this week is to travel in groups when you go to parties. This rule is important for two reasons; number one, you are much more likely to get into parties as a group than as an individual. The guy who goes alone is the one who gets the door slammed in his face. This guarantees you’ll spend more time in the party, and less time on the streets where the cops can notice you. It also means if anything goes wrong at the party your friends will be there to help bail you out and get you out of there. The second reason this is important is because on the chance the cops do decide to bust you, they’ll have more targets they’ll have to deal with. Each person you have running in another direction is hopefully leading off a cop who won’t be taking you to the slammer. Fat people and the uncoordinated, you’re better off just staying put and getting a ticket. Cop’s chasing college kids are like lions chasing gazelles, the weak and the sickly are the first ones to go down.

The second rule to avoid getting caught is to act like you belong and don’t give them an in. This is a rule that should be observed when traveling between locations and if you decide to go out alone. Cops will be watching for people acting suspiciously or stupid, so avoid looking like either. If you see a cop car, don’t panic and try to take off, stay calm and move on as if nothing’s wrong. The cops want you to lose your cool and try to escape, and they know the chances of you getting away are slim, so why give them what they want? They’ll be plenty of morons standing out to the cops during the next week, so stay in the background and just keep moving. Normal behavior won’t get a second glance from law enforcement during this week, so stay incognito.

Finally, please for all that is sacred, don’t carry around a backpack full of booze or try to smuggle a car full of beer into a party. If the cops catch you with alcohol during your travels or at the party, then you’re screwed. Also, if you think the cops won’t stop you for having a backpack, or a similarly suspicious item, you’re dreaming. In that situation you’ll either be fined, arrested or have to toss your booze in order to get away so you’ll lose no matter what. You also risk either drinking too much or having someone potentially spike your drinks, so it’s better just to drink before you head to a party. If you absolutely have to bring alcohol with you, make sure it’s in a non-descript bottle and that you bring no more than what you can hide in your coat pocket or purse. This will allow you to maintain your buzz and significantly reduce your chances of something bad happening, legally or physically. If your carrying a lot of booze on you or in the case of one freshman I saw a full 30 pack, then you deserve to be thrown bleeding into the back of a cop car.

I could offer more advice, but I’d be writing for another three or four pages so let me end it like this; Be smart, keep your wits about you and watch your drinking and you’ll have a good D-Days. If you act idiotic, lose your wits and throw caution to the wind, you shouldn’t be surprised at what might happen. Keep your eyes open, stay safe and happy D-Days.