Dear obnoxious in-class snifflers,
I never thought I’d say this – but can you just stop breathing? I get it; the whole campus is sick, including me, but I can’t imagine how sitting in class forcing oxygen through your nose mucus is helping anything. What’s even worse is when I can tell you don’t actually have to sniffle, you’re just doing it to add to the cacophony of bodily noises already filling the lecture hall. It’s the domino effect of sniffles – one classmate makes a noise, and you all feel the need to one-up each other to prove you’re sick too. I know what a stuffy nose sounds like, and that ain’t it. For all you in-class snifflers who can’t seem to take a hint, here’s the link to some high-tech, revolutionary technology you might be interested in: www.kleenex.com. Please do a favor for all your fellow classmates and I, and just get up and blow your schnozzle.
-Kelli Susemihl, Opinion Presentation Editor