Battle of the Sexes: A man’s morning routine

In the never-ending battle between men and women, there is never a clear winner. In this special issue, the Verve section takes a look at the clear-cut differences between men and women in everything from their morning routines to their favorite pastimes.

A man’s morning routine

7:30 a.m. – “New Year’s resolution to work out” alarm goes off. Yeah right.

8:00 a.m. – First “wake up” alarm goes off. Dismiss.

8:30 a.m. – Second “wake up” alarm. Dismiss.

9:01 a.m. – Third “wake up” alarm. Finally stay awake and wait for morning wood to descend.

9:05 a.m. – Stumble into wall-less bathroom to drain the main vein.

9:08 a.m. – Eat a bowl of Coco DynoBites or oatmeal; breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

9:15 a.m. – Pop an Adderall to get motivated.

9:16 a.m. – Pack backpack with books and homework.

9:25 a.m. – Fourth “wake up” alarm goes off for the days I have later classes. Dismiss it promptly.

9:26 a.m. – Brush teeth.

9:30 a.m. – Contemplate what I must do, and what is due today.

9:35 a.m. – Argue with myself if there is enough time to take a shower. Nope, I’ll take it after first class.

9:37 a.m. – Turn on some heavy music. Something like Dubstep, hard rock or heavy metal.

9:38 a.m. – Head bang to music to fix my hair.

9:40 a.m. – Turn on some easy listening music like REO Speedwagon, the Doobie Brothers or Barry Manilow to calm me down.

9:45 a.m. – Put on pants.

9:46 a.m. – Warm up car.

9:50 a.m. – Finally leave for school.