Baier: Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there
Q: I want to start a relationship. The guy is nice, caring, he’s everything anyone would ever want. I’m scared because of my history with guys — ever since I was small everyone walks out on me. My father. My ex-boyfriend. That’s how we separate. I’m scared that it’s gonna happen again if I start another relationship. I just don’t want to get hurt again. I like him and he likes me too, I just don’t know if I should do this. Please help.
AB: Starting a relationship can be very challenging, especially if you have had a bad experience in the past. However, it is unhealthy to hang on to the past. Letting go of past experiences is by far one of the toughest things for anyone to do, but doing so removes much excess stress.
Here is some advice for those of you out there who are struggling with a current relationship or struggling with starting a relationship.
Many people worry their significant other will walk out on them. Those who have experienced abandonment by a parent are less likely to develop trustful relationships. Fear of a break up is understandable, given the nature of relationships. It is a fact of life that all relationships will end one way or another.
If you are considering a relationship, keep the horse before the cart. Don’t think of the end in the beginning. The old adage “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” is worth considering. Relationships, even those that are considered unsuccessful, can provide life experience and a chance to mature.
A relationship is a two-way street. For a relationship to be successful, communication is needed. Every person has his or her specific needs and desires, and these sometimes are not automatically apparent. It’s a matter of getting to know your significant other.
A healthy relationship does not include the control of one partner by the other. There must be a certain level of autonomy maintained. Trust must also be established, or the relationship will never work. Even with trust and communication, there is no guarantee a relationship will be successful.
An important thing to remember is that when in a relationship anyone worth dating will let you be yourself. The right person will love you for who you are. Don’t change yourself for your partner — this will only lead to misery. Common ground can enrich your relationship, but you don’t have to agree on everything.
Space can be useful for maintaining sanity in any relationship, even platonic ones. Don’t be afraid to do your own thing — just remember to pay attention to your partner. It is a relationship — the two of you are in it together.
Single life isn’t for everyone, so if you think you’ve found somebody to love, entering a relationship — though frightening — can be a positive and potentially life-changing experience. I encourage you to be brave in all things, especially relationships.
