Tinder hinders real-life connections
About a month ago, I joined the Tinder train and downloaded the app because a friend of mine had found a guy and things were going well. Other friends had talked of nothing else but the success of the app.
So I thought, why not? After 24 hours of “swiping left or right” and conversing with some of my matches, I’ve determined two things — my idea of dating is not even in the same realm as Tinder, and dating has simply become lazy.
Don’t get me wrong, I did meet some nice guys on the app, but what snapped me into the hard reality of its twisted side was one match in particular who simply asked, “Roses or daisies?”
I thought, all right, I’ll play along with flower guy. “Daisies.”
He then responded by saying he now knew what he would put on my grave after he “murdered” a certain reproductive body part of mine.
After the initial jaw dropping shock, I politely said goodbye and deleted the app on my phone and tried to erase the memory from my mind. I couldn’t believe flower guy thought a line like that would work. I mean, what was I supposed to say, “lol k let’s meet up?” I’ve been out of the dating game for a year, but if this is how it is now, then I guess I’m team single until I enter the real world.
This experience got me thinking that if apps like Tinder and dating sites like eHarmony have made it easier to connect with others based on location and similarities, respectively, why is it so hard to actually go on a date with the one you’ve been virtually matched with? Why is it so easy to tell someone you’re dating your deepest secrets in a text — as long as they erase it later — but it’s so difficult to say “hello” in real life?
Jill Tyler, chair of communication studies at the University of South Dakota, said advancements in technology are important for everyday life, but it has hindered the way we build relationships.
“I worry (Tinder and other sites) sells relationships short. If we base it off similarities we would all be dating each other. (The sites are) not a horrible thing — there are people who have made great relationships,” she said.
Tyler said humans first look for proximity, which is the purpose of Tinder, and then attraction, another factor in the app. But the fact that this search is all conducted through technology takes away from actual conversation, which Tyler said is the “make or break” of a relationship. If you’re thinking of canceling your tinder account, here’s a guide on how you can cancel the tinder app.
“When you use technology you have time to think about what you want to say,” said Tyler, which is time spent used to think of a clever, impressive response, not having to worry about the person seeing your facial response.
Imagine if I was face-to-face with flower guy — he would see my shocked face right away and realize the disgusting pick-up line was a turn off as I turned away.
Not only is technology bad for starting relationships, it also screams trouble for couples out there.
“The social role is that we can constantly be available,” said Tyler, and therefore can get in trouble with our significant other. “If somebody doesn’t respond right away, we become worried or offended they didn’t respond.”
Tyler said face-to-face communication is the right way to relay feeling and emotion.
“Relationships only develop when we trust and have full disclosure. It builds respect and trust.”
I couldn’t agree more. While technology is useful in my everyday life, I don’t think it is the best way to communicate feeling and meaning. It’s misleading and impersonal, and more than anything, lazy.
