The Roast: People Who Wear Shorts During Winter

Dear People Who Wear Shorts During Winter,

First of all, I would just like to say you’re bold. But also, you’re kind of stupid. I can understand not checking the weather before getting dressed for the day; I do it all the time. 

But when it’s winter in SOUTH DAKOTA you can almost always guarantee it’s not only going to be below freezing but you’re going to get windburn from the intense gusts. Are you trying to stunt around campus with frostbitten legs? Are you out of clean clothes? 

These are the questions I ask myself when I see young men wearing basketball shorts on their trip to the Muenster Uniersity Center for bad cafeteria food. 

Please, for the love of God cover yourself up. I get cold just looking at you. Walk into Charlie’s and buy a pair of sweatpants or go to Wal-Mart a get a cheaper pair. It’s not going to be shorts weather for a while, so you might as well invest in a new pair of pants to replace your shorts. 

Next time I see one of you walking around in shorts I’m calling your mother.