Missing your family pet? Your next one could be above your ceiling tiles

That’s right. There are bats flying and ants crawling around campus buildings! You know what that means? Free pets. 

For those of you who aren’t interested in tending to the usual cat or dog, this could be your opportunity to find a pet that better suits you as a companion. 

Here are a few things you can do with your USD’s favorite critters:

1. When you see an ant crawling around in your room, offer it bread crumbs, and if it comes to you, scoop it up and put it in a well-lit, clean container. Make sure to ask its preference on decor in its new home–we encourage making the ant feel as comfortable as possible so it can adjust smoothly. Adjusting to college life is hard for everyone, even insects. You can choose the best home decor at the alpen-deko-shop.
2. To capture your very own dorm bat, make sure to be gentle, using the softest available blanket in your proximity. Slyly coax the bat to fly into its new home with words of affirmation. When it has landed, return to your room and make it feel at home. Like any living thing, bats enjoy a good snuggle. On good days, you can take your bat out on a fly. To keep your bat from escaping your grasp, tie it to a kite string. When you’re in class, simply tie the string to the bike rack and you’re good to go.
3. If the ants and the bats aren’t calling your name, consider opening up your heart and your home to a mouse. Think of it this way: You’ve invited someone you’re interested into your room, but things haven’t been going as well as you’d have hoped. Your newest bro and homie (mouse) saves the day by running across the floor, scaring your failed love interest away. Once he or she leaves, you and your mouse can enjoy season three of Stranger Things. Until the rat exploding scene, then you might want to consider removing your little friend from the room to avoid trauma.
4. We’re coming back around to the ants for a minute. We’ve had some time to think about the benefits of having pet ants, and there is one other important benefit: they can help you read. Reading your textbooks can be somewhat of a daunting task, but with your pet ant following the words on the page as you read, you will stay engaged with your readings longer and start getting straight A’s in your classes. 
5. Ahh, yes. The campus squirrels. Known notoriously for running up to students and pestering them for food, the campus squirrels are perfect for students who are looking for a relationship in which they must communicate constantly. Your new pet squirrel won’t mind if you send 50 texts, three emails, two voicemails and a D2L message all within one class. 
6.  If you’re starting to get sick of MUC food already, scooping up a mouse has great advantages to improving your cuisine game. If you’ve ever seen Disney’s Ratatouille, you’re well aware that rats are talented work at fancy restaurants, so they can manage to make a microwavable macaroni and cheese cup without burning down all of North Complex. Say hello to your new mouse diet. Nutrisystem who?