From the Opinion Desk: Our responses to #VPDLive

The Vermillion Police Department (VPD) does more than just write parking tickets, especially during D-Days. This weekend, VPD again used their Twitter to alert us of their craziest and outlandish responses. The Opinion Team decided to sift through and ask the important questions.

Oct. 5, 10:06 p.m.: Vehicle reported to have crashed into a parked car and fled the scene, then narrowly missed running into two bike officers. Officers have the vehicle stopped and are investigating.

So many questions here. Is this Vermillion or is this Coconut Mall on Mario Kart? USD campus or Grand Theft Auto? Also, imagine getting pulled over by officers on bikes. How did they get an errant driver to the curb? Cards in their spokes and a flick of the bell? The blotter states there were two bike cops, but they didn’t determine if the two cops rode separate bikes. To save the city some money, investing in pegs and sidecars could be options.

Oct. 5, 8:46 p.m.: Officers assisting after a 911 call reporting a cat stuck in an engine compartment. 

Are we sure the cat wanted to be rescued? Rumor has it the cat was a minor under the influence of multiple Jooses and ran at the sound of sirens. Does the Good Samaritan Bill protect cats? Thankfully VPD kept us updated that Felix was rescued and was unharmed, but who knows, maybe we’ll be seeing him in the Rights and Responsibilities office in the near future.

Oct. 5, 9:03 p.m.: Officers out with a broken window in a downtown business. Refer to “the rules” from earlier- not breaking things can be fun.

Broken windows? What, exactly, are we protesting? The main injustices occurring downtown during D-Days are the copious amounts of alcohol being consumed by the copious amounts of minors consuming it. This, however, does not warrant window-breaking of local businesses. Businesses dealing with damaged windows could think about hiring Universal Windows Direct of Syracuse to help with the restoration.

Oct. 5, 9:21 p.m.: To the people chucking bottles in a parking lot- just knock it off. And refer to the rules.

Downtown Verm is not SDSU tailgate. If you’re trying to throw containers, head north, my friends.

Oct. 6, 12:36 p.m.: Pretty much a stampede right now southbound from the house party in the 400 block of Adams Street. We suspect they may be under 21…

What’s more dangerous? The Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, or the Running of the Minors in Verm? Wear red, run fast.

Oct. 4 11:45 p.m.: Guy #1 & guy #2 carry on conversation. Guy #1 occasionally turns to vomit- then wipes his mouth and nose with his hand. Guy #1 concludes convo & goes for high-five with guy #2… Here’s to you, guy #2, for staying sober enough that you threw him your elbow instead. 

Just another day in North Complex. No wonder you people are sick all the time. We’re just grateful STD’s can’t be transferred through vomit.