Dear USD fraternity brothers of Sigma Apple Pie,
All your sorority sisters down the block are jealous as heck of your “rush week.” After we’ve spent the past two weeks screaming chants until our souls leave our bodies and cleaning our houses to the point where it looks like no one has ever lived there, driving past your barbeques and inflatable bouncy castles for a week has us big mad (and big jealous). Why are sororities forced to dress our finest, say “Hi! Welcome to our home!” and smile from ear to ear for a week straight, when you can just invite all the bros over and casually offer someone to join your boy cult. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not mad at you, we’d just like to join you. If you can’t beat them, join them, and maybe next year some of us will pull a reverse “Mrs. Doubtfire” and come check out fraternity recruitment instead.
-Kelli Susemihl, Opinion Presentation Editor (And a proud Pi Phi)