REVIEW: ‘Sucker Punch’ is Zack Snyder’s worst film to date

Imagine you’re a 13-year-old boy. Now imagine you were given $82 million to make a movie. Can you guess what movie you made? I’ll give you a hint: the plot is nonsensical, the dialogue is laughable and you’ve somehow fit World War I, zombies, brothels and giant robots into one movie. Of course, you made “Sucker Punch.”

Zack Snyder’s new film tells the story of doe-eyed teenager Baby Doll (Emily Browning) as she is sent to an insane asylum by her abusive stepfather in which she constructs violent, elaborate fantasies — and fantasies within fantasies — in her mind in order to escape.

Basically, it feels like sitting through a two-hour long cut scene in a terrible video game. It is an action film that contains a surprisingly fundamental flaw: there is too much action. That is to say, when a film starts at the highest level of excitement it can, there is no place for it to go and the action quickly dulls.

The movie is filled with Snyder’s usual tricks as well, including the diluted orange and blue color schemes and slow motion breaks for absolutely no reason.

Snyder would like you to believe he’s made a film about empowering women; I would like you to know that it’s exactly the opposite. Ostensibly, these women are empowered because they kill zombies and shoot robots.

Give me a break, Zack. When did this awful misconception that making women violent somehow empowers them come about in cinema? Even in the deepest layer of fantasy where every battle takes place and where these women should be controlling their own fate, only a man can give them sage advice. Really, at every point in this film, women must be told what to do by men in order to survive.

Even ignoring the obvious misogyny that pervades the entire film, there is not a single redeeming quality in it. The acting may be the worst of each performer’s career. The CGI is awful. The dialogue reads like a Saturday morning cartoon and the plot just barely makes sense.

“Sucker Punch” is without a doubt Snyder’s worst film to date and something to avoid at all costs.

Reach reviewer Nathan Hoffman at [email protected].