COLUMN: Breaking up is hard to do

Throughout my misadventures in love I have been given a lot of very strange advice. One of the strangest was to stay friends with my exes after getting dumped because that is the only way to maturely handle the situation.

Though I realize that there are some people who can do such a thing, this advice is not right for everyone. For those of us who have been hurt when a relationship ends, staying friends with the other person is the unhealthiest way of handling it.

Since I am all too familiar with this situation, I have decided to offer a variety of healthier methods for dealing with heartbreak.

First, never let him or anyone else tell you it’s your fault or that you’re not good enough. If you let yourself fall into a black hole of self-hatred over a guy, you are letting him win. He doesn’t deserve to win anything. He’s the one who dropped you so he could make poor life choices.

If you want to beat him, you have to be awesome. In order to be awesome you must have confidence, self-esteem and a forgiving attitude toward the other party.

Do not go seeking revenge. I took that route once and it only wound up making me feel worse about everything. It is never as satisfying as you think it will be, and it always makes you look like the bad guy.

Do not let feelings of hopelessness, sadness and loneliness sneak up on you and put lies into your head about him being the only one for you. I assure you, there are plenty more where that one came from.

Make a list of all the qualities which you’re attracted to in this person and think about whether they still apply or not. Here are some incredibly vague examples:

“He’s really smart.” Obviously this is not the case since he dumped you. “He’s good-looking.” He’s not the only one. Check out that fine specimen over in the corner. “He’s the only guy who treats me right.” False. He left you.

If there is another woman involved in your situation, do not be angry with her. I know it’s really easy to blame her for taking the thing you love most in the world, but it’s not really her fault. After all, her evil powers would have no effect whatsoever if your man was happy where he was.

Finally, think of the relationship as a learning experience rather than a waste of time. This will help you avoid making similar mistakes in the future. You will move on and become a better person capable of making better decisions because of all you have endured.