BLOG: Riding the Bread

The following is a true story.

Back in the 30s, it was commonplace in small town South Dakota to live very closely with one’s farm animals. I’m talking about pigs roaming the house, horses tied up outside and chickens entering the house on a whim. The whole works, just like Laura Ingalls Wilder.

It was also commonplace to reuse everything. Waste not, want not. Remember this; it will come into play in a moment.

Once upon a time, a small boy, who would eventually become a family friend of mine, lived in this era. He played in the dirt with his siblings and knew nothing of Gameboys and fast cars. Instead, he would go over to the neighbor’s house and play as a small child, but that all came to a stop when his mother found out that family was letting their children ride the bread without diapers on.

You read that correctly; they were riding bread, as in loaves of bread. Large, delicious loaves of homemade bread, (which I’m sure were made by an overworked wife in a tiny oven). Apparently, it was commonplace to let one’s offspring ride loaves of freshly baked bread like horses, because back in those days, the loaves were tall and sturdy enough to support a child.

But this family was breaking the unspoken code of bread-riding and letting their children do so without diapers on. The horror! I’m sure you’re using your imagination and picturing little babies with lassos, scooting around on a dirt floor and squealing, “Yeehaw!” It’s disturbing, but it’s real life.

When I was told this story, it was unclear whether this bread was also being eaten after it was used as a child’s horsey, but I honestly don’t want to know the details. All I’m saying is that we 90s babies should appreciate that we had things like puzzles, “Barney,” Ronald McDonald and Mr. Potatoe Head. Just think; we could have been riding around on loaves of bread.