Blog: “The Hillary Rodham Clinton”

I couldn’t do it.

I said I was going to get my first shaping over Thanksgiving, and I never thought I’d say this during the grow-out, but my hair wasn’t atrocious looking enough. It’s been four months since my last real haircut in mid-August, and my hair doesn’t look nearly as bad as the first time I grew it out.

Now, in week 16 of the process, I have decided to modify my original five-stage process. With this modification, I am adding a new stage between Stage 3: “The Beatles Circa 1960s-Mop-Top-Shag-Do”, and Stage 4: “The ‘No Country for Old Men’, creepy-as-all-hell, Javier Bardem (as Anton Chigurh) Bowl Cut” — I call it “The Hillary Rodham Clinton.”

The Stage 4 spot, “The Hillary Rodham Clinton,” is characterized as follows:

This look, endorsed by the former first lady from the late 90s into the early 2000s, screams diplomacy and dignity. It features voluminous and feathered side-sweeping bangs that epitomize the slang term, bangin’.

Warning: This ‘do may cause an inflated sense of self-importance/authority.

Had I not trimmed my mullet three weeks ago, my hair would be nearly identical to Clinton’s. But because I have a cowlick on the right side of my head, my bangs are extra voluminous and equally as bangin’. The cowlick, new length and resulting weight of my hair is also making my hair naturally part to the side, just like Clinton’s. Heck, give me some nice duds and call me Hillary.

Newfound persona aside, here is my new hair plan:

– I will wait until my hair is sufficiently atrocious before I actually get it shaped. The week number I project it will take place?: TBA.

-Until my first shaping, I will have friends trim my hair when it starts to look mullet-ish.

The results? Who knows? Maybe I will be able to get rid of the new Stage 6: “The ‘No Country for Old Men’, creepy-as-all-hell, Javier Bardem (as Anton Chigurh) Bowl Cut” — if “The Hillary Rodham Clinton” treats me well.