BLOG: Long distance relationships

Long distance relationships are bad news and to be avoided at all costs. Too bad you’re already in one.

Sorry, that was a bit presumptuous. Maybe I should explain myself.

Everyone warns you to break up with your significant other before college, because no one wants to be tied down by a long distance relationship just as they’re diving into a whole new dating pool. Distance creates problems. Absence makes the heart do extra work. In the end, it’s probably not worth the hassle. Out of sight, out of mind, right? What no one bothers to mention is that romantic relationships aren’t the only ones that change as a result of distance.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not from around here. Almost all of my relationships are long-distance: my parents, my family and my pre-college friends are all several hundred miles away, and consequently all of those relationships have changed. My mom requests the occasional text to be sure I’m not dead or skipping classes to nurse a hangover. My dad and I have the majority of our heart-to-heart conversations over the drives home and back over long breaks. Busy schedules occasionally make it difficult to stay up to date on my friends’ lives at a level beyond their Facebook statuses. But does that mean I’m any less my parents’ daughter? Have I abandoned my old friendships because they weren’t worth the extra maintenance?

You’re a smart person. You know the answers.

Yet here’s a question that doesn’t seem to have a clear solution: just how much distance is too much? How many miles? How many hours travel time? I’ve heard couples who live 45 minutes away from each other describe the agony of their star-crossed love and it makes me want to play them a sad song on my invisible violin. In that same vein, I know a girl whose boyfriend was recently deployed to Afghanistan. I have a feeling she would do anything to trade places with me and only be a day’s drive from the guy she digs. So where is the line drawn? Is it across the state, or on the other side of the world? What is it about distance that suddenly prevents a fulfilling romantic partnership but leaves other relationships unharmed?

Oh wait. Right. That. But if that’s the case, is that all a romantic relationship is?

If you look at things from my perspective, it’s statistically likely that a majority of us are in a long distance relationship of some sort right now. That’s fine, I say. Distance isn’t so much a problem as it is the glaring light under which all other imperfections are exposed. If long distance relationships have a habit of ending, it’s often because of other issues like trust or the simple fact that you’re just not willing to make the necessary adjustments for your relationship with that person to last. Consider exploring alternatives like Skype to bridge the gap, or even experiment with inventive solutions like chastity cages to add an element of excitement. That’s okay too, but let’s not make distance out to be the great unspeakable burden.

Sure, an ‘LDR’ isn’t the preferred state of affairs, but it’s definitely preferable to what I’d lose without it.