BLOG: Napping arachnids and the plights of adulthood

If college has taught me anything, it’s that growing up is a difficult process. There isn’t always someone there to give you a hug when something is wrong, there are a lot of people expecting a lot from you and there are very real consequences if and when you drop the ball somewhere along the line.

Growing up means getting a job, paying taxes, taking yourself to the doctor and jury duty. I’d be willing to accept all of these responsibilities if it meant I could be spared from perhaps the most wretched aspect of adulthood I can think of: killing my own spiders.

All I wanted to do was take a nap. I’d gone to class, changed into sweats and was mid-climb into bed when I saw it. It was just nestled there, never moving, apparently snoozing on the edge of a poster on the wall my pillow rests against.

There was no reason for that.

It was almost purposefully rude of this gnarly thing to be chillin’ in my domain when I was so severely sleep deprived.

It was me versus the sleeping spider. A battle for the bed.

It’s not that I like murdering spiders — far, far from it — but the unfortunate fellow had chosen a particularly sensitive place to perch. Any false move on my part and down he would tumble into my sheets, and then I’d have to burn my bed. There would be no coaxing out the window. So I paced and perspired, knowing what had to be done but desperately wanting someone else to do it.

Alas, there was no one. I was going to have to be a big girl.

Ten minutes of mental preparation and three tissues later, the deed was done. Knowing I’d never be able to go right to sleep after that, I did the adult thing and decided to call my mom to chat myself into a more relaxed state. With the phone to my ear, I climbed back into bed.

Mom answered pleasantly, “Hello?”

I screeched, “There’s another one!”

Sure enough, my napping arachnid had brought a friend.

Growing up is an arduous thing, but I suppose, with time, things get easier. If nothing else, you get somewhat accustomed to things being more difficult than they were in the good old days of naps and recess.

There’s some comfort to be found in this. Granted, it won’t make a spider party above your bed much more pleasant, but just about anything else is bearable. Sometimes, that’s good enough.