The best of the worst: Here were some of the most comical reports made by the Vermillion Police Department in the 2015-16 school year

Aug. 21

Officers responded to a 911 call about a disturbance at a local convenience store.

Upon arrival, they  found a woman who was crying and spoke at length about the Biblical Apocalypse and other paranormal events in her life.

Though she confused them, officers found no crime and determined the woman was able to care for herself.

Aug. 28

A convenience store employee reported that a man had stolen a beer by putting it down his pants and leaving the store.

The incident was caught on video, the suspect admitted to the crime after he was located by officers.

Information was forwarded to the State’s Attorney.

Sept. 18

A man who had driven his car  until it ran out of gas was contacted by officers. He was highly intoxicated, wearing only his underwear with boots on the wrong feet and believed he was in Council Bluffs.

A drug recognition expert believed he was under the influence of both drugs and alcohol. He was arrested for DWI.

Sept. 20

Officers were called to assist a hotel manager with an intoxicated person. When they arrived, officers found the manager trying to get the man back in his room, as he wasn’t wearing any pants or underwear.

The man returned to his room when the manager located it for him.

Oct. 2

A caller reported two subjects that were throwing ice and jumping on vehicles in the drive through at a fast food establishment.

Both were intoxicated and underage. One cooperated and was cited and released. The other became belligerent and would not sign the citation. He was arrested for minor in possession of alcohol and disorderly conduct.

Oct. 28

A caller reported that her purse was stolen.

She found it later the next day; it hadn’t been stolen.

Nov. 12

A fight at a residence was reported to officers. Officers arrived at the residence and the fight was already over.

They contacted all parties and determined a shoving match had occurred because of a disagreement over who had to clean up after a birthday party.

Officers explained the possible legal consequences to all parties. No further action was taken.

Nov. 14

A caller reported an unknown man was pounding on his door window.

Officers responded and found the man, who was intoxicated. He was not from town and was looking for his friend, a USD student.

Officers gave him directions. No further action.

Jan. 30

Officers responded to reports of a gunshot. Upon investigation, officers found “a bull whip being snapped by its proud owner.”

March 20

A man was cited for urinating on the side of a downtown building near bar closing time.

The man tried to explain to officers that he was only urinating there because he was drunk.

April 4

A caller reported that while he was digging in his backyard, he found an old pair of pants with a bone in it.

Further investigation revealed that the bone was from the remains of a cow, not a human.