It’s not a phase

When some people hear the term asexuality, they have positive, negative and neutral responses. Anyone who identifies as part of the asexual spectrum knows what it is like to hear “it’s just a phase” or “you just haven’t met the right…” but we all know these lines are just a misunderstanding of who we really are. 

Asexuality is a spectrum term and refers to the lack of sexual attraction. The people who identify within the asexual spectrum can go from having very little sexual attraction to none. For me, I don’t have any sexual attraction to anyone, but I do have romantic feelings toward others. It’s sometimes hard to tell if someone is a part of the asexual community because some of us don’t outwardly show it. 

Everyone who has come out as asexual to a friend, family member or coworker knows how it feels to be questioned because of who they are. People say things without thinking, or worse they say things after thinking. Things like “it’s just a phase” or “give it a try and it’ll change your mind” are extremely hurtful and rude. All these lines are things a lot of LGBTQ+ people hear. One of the lines we are often told and hurts most is we’re broken because we don’t feel the same way “normal” people do. One of the more drastic reactions to coming out as asexual is being dropped or disowned by your family. 

The reason it is not a phase is it’s the way we have been and always will be. Telling an asexual person “it’s just a phase,” and they just “haven’t found the right person” is like telling a straight person they just haven’t tried something they would never want to do. 

In the end, asexual people aren’t broken and it’s normal to not be sexually attracted to people. Not all relationships need to be sexual. A person doesn’t need to have a sexual relationship to be a person. They have the right to feel the way they do without judgment. Relationships can be familial, platonic, romantic and sexual, it doesn’t matter.

Written by Liz McMillen email – [email protected]