BLOG: An ode to the mullet

Roses are brown (it’s almost winter),

Violets are black,

I once had a mullet,

But I just cut the party off the back.

Not too long ago, a breeze ruffled the locks at the nape my neck. At that moment I realized a horrible truth, I no longer had a pixie…I had a mullet, an unfortunate hair overgrowth that crept far enough down my neck to hang over my turtlenecks.

But now, the deed is done. The time had come and I severed ties with the locks, aka, my friend cut them off for me. (See the photos below.)

Looking at those photos at a quick, first glance it’s not blatantly noticeable that my hair has been cut. This is a good thing. Luckily, my friend knows how to cut a straight line.

If you look closely you can see that my hair in the after photos looks a lot healthier at the ends. Before, my ends looked thin, wispy and flat out gross. The wind ruffling it was a constant reminder of the tail I had forming back there. But by far the best part about this trim was removing enough of my tail so it couldn’t be put in one of those creepy baby ponytails.

I’m sad to see any sort of length go, but part of the grow-out process requires cutting ties with the length in order to avoid the mullet. The trim won’t necessarily make my hair grow any faster, according to an October Huffington Post article featuring a veteran trichologist’s (fancy word for studier of hair/the scalp) and her research over the past 22 years. However it will get rid of split ends and make generally healthier looking at the ends.

Now that my hair is approaching an all-around uniform length, it’s also approaching Stage 4: The ‘No Country for Old Men’, creepy-as-all-hell, Javier Bardem (as Anton Chigurh) Bowl Cut. This is the single most awkward stage before the fifth and final stage: “Normalcy, sweet normalcy.”

It’s time to break out the bandanas, beanies and headbands — just in time for winter, luckily.

Imagine a bowl cut in the summer. Wearing beanies all the time would be near impossi-bowl!