BLOG: Fear of dorm bathrooms

There are plenty of horrifying things in the world: death, spiders and the fact that “50 Shades of Grey” is one of the best-selling books of all time. Yet, there is one thing that strikes dread in my heart more than any of these, and it is an unfortunate fact of life I fear I’ll have to endure as long as I live on campus. The true bane of my existence, the object of my great loathing, the constant terror of my college experience is this: dorm bathrooms.

Anyone who thinks this is a joke has obviously never attempted to shower at the end of the week on an all girls’ floor. Imagine stepping into the only shower stall with enough water pressure to actually rinse the shampoo off your scalp, only to discover that you are surrounded by horrors on all sides. Wet hair strands cling to walls all around you. Moist, discolored ceiling tiles loom over you menacingly. You look down in dread, and see what at first glance looks like a dead mouse. It is, in fact, much worse: a hideously large clump of scum and wet hair from an untold number of the stall’s previous victims. You’d faint if it didn’t entail touching the floor with anything but your shower flip-flops.

I know, I know. I’m being a little dramatic. Wet hair is near the top of the list of things that trigger Jackie’s gag reflex, and sharing such crucial space as a bathroom definitely makes me cranky in classic only-child fashion.
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Actually, dorm living has been one of the biggest and most challenging adjustments I’ve had to make since starting college — right up there with being far from home. But, after many a phone call to mom and dad to complain about all the people I’ve had to deal with, (not to mention their byproducts), I’ve reached an unfortunate conclusion: over the course of my life, I’m going to have to put up with other people. Furthermore, a lot of them will be the inconsiderate sort who leave their hair on the shower walls and never clean the lint trap in the dryer.

The bright side (and there is one), is this: even though a lot of the people you’ll encounter during your time packed into a dorm will be abrasive, the fact is that not all of them will make you consider murder as a viable career choice. It’s statistically impossible. In fact, one of the more pleasant surprises of my time here has been finding other weary souls like me who throw up a little in their mouth when they have to pick somebody’s forgotten thong out of the washing machine. Out of these every day nuisances strong bonds are formed, and soon you’ll find that you aren’t in this alone. Camaraderie of this sort is a plus, because if there’s anything horror movies have taught me it’s that you should never go alone…unless, of course, you’re going to the shower. Then you’ll probably have better luck avoiding the hairy walls if you fly solo. There are some trials of college life that can’t really be avoided.