Vex and The Verm: Catch and Release

Do you ever feel a big lump in the bottom of your stomach? 

Those moments when you realize something isn’t going your way. When two forces in your life coalesce into a less-than-harmonious combination.

Whether it’s a close friend moving on to another one of your friends, or a friend becoming increasingly more involved with someone you have become “close to.” I’ve experienced it all. I’ve seen both and still managed to piece myself together. 

Recently I have had a friend, a close one, who started talking more and more to a close acquaintance. Also I didn’t have “feelings” for this acquaintance per se, it left this awful feeling inside of me at the thought of them together. 

I really don’t know if I just wanted to keep this friend to myself, like a caged bird or pinned butterfly, but seeing them freely babble with someone panged me. 

It took a lot of thinking on my part, thinking and contemplating my options. Whether I converse with the friend about my feelings or let them burrow inside of me, eating away at that growing pain.

Eventually, I decided to tell my friend what I was feeling. A decision that was so clear in hindsight, but so concealed. I was that caged bird, that confined butterfly. I was trapped in a prison I had created for myself, where I censored my own words and thoughts. And eventually, I had to, needed to, set them free. 

It brought me back to high school, when I experienced a similar, although much more extreme, case. I lost practically everyone then, or at least what felt like everyone. It felt like I had no one. 

I’ve learned a lot though. How to deal with these instances and how to not let them break you. And if they do, how to put yourself back together again? 

With those life lessons, I’ve discovered how to release, how to break free.