Friendship strains in college

Most people, if not all, are guilty of premature judgement.

Judgments could last a split second or last a lifetime, but we all make judgments about other human beings. These opinions of others could be altered by what another person is holding back. On numerous occasions, especially when in a fight with a friend, I have been known to think, “If only you knew.” It’s such a simple statement with so much unsaid emotion.

Holding back that much emotion can resemble the metaphorical straw that broke the camel’s back. For example, my friends and I have become more distant lately. We’ve spent  precious time together complaining about our lives and taking out the frustrations on the rest of our close-knit group. This has led to conflicts. In them, I find myself using the excuse, “if only you knew” a lot. It’s one of the most common mistakes you can make, and it can prove to be a fatal for any relationship. Especially when distance becomes an issue.

USD students can relate to this because we all had to say goodbye to people we were once close to when we graduated high school. Most of the people we had to say goodbye to went off to attend different colleges. Different colleges call for an all around different experience. Because of these differences, we can begin to find it hard to relate to them all of a sudden. This distance, both metaphorical and physical, can lead us to hold things back from one another.

The excuse can end friendships or even relationships if it overcomes a sense of camaraderie and compassion for each other. This excuse can lead you down a lonely road. Instead of holding back deep-seeded emotions, let it out. Stop using “if only you knew” as a reason to stop opening up to people close to you.

With all of the stress created from tests and classes, it’s natural to be busy and to put off interactions with others. But the people closest to someone want to hear about how they are really feeling. If they didn’t care, they wouldn’t want to be around them.

The best way to avoid letting this become a problem, especially during midterms and finals season, is to avoid using excuses just because it is easier.

What I found that helped me to stop using the excuse was to make time for the people that want to make time for me, and when I’m with them, I’ve made sure to utilize the time in the best way possible. I’ve spent my time remembering why I became friends with them in the first place.  I’ve watched movies with them, had a crazy dance party in my dorm room and tried to find something everyone in the group enjoys. Because of this, the once strained relationships have begun to heal.

Anything worth something is worth fighting for, so I’ve decided to stop making excuses and stop judging the people that have helped me weather the storm when college got tough.