Octopuses Need to be Stopped, They’re Awful
2 mins read

Octopuses Need to be Stopped, They’re Awful

People love to anthropomorphize things. They make cute drawings of objects or animals. For the most part, this is really sweet, except when it’s an octopus. These awful, not-fish things are really creepy and I hope to never see them in person or see another documentary about them.

A group of octopuses is called a consortium. It makes it seem like these octopuses are all getting together and making some sort of deal, probably an agreement to take down the human race. They aren’t fish or mammals because they don’t have vertebrae, therefore they are cephalopods, a very pretentious-sounding class of marine organisms.

Octopuses are also more liquid than solid. The only hard or solid parts of their bodies are the beaks on their head, everything else is kind of jellylike. They can squeeze into tiny cracks and wait to attack and consume their enemies.

Just imagine if humans had tongues on their hands, that is what an octopus has. They can feel and taste with their tentacles and it is really nasty. They are constantly tasting salt from the ocean around them as well as everything they touch. If an octopus grabs onto you it’s literally tasting you. Octopuses also use their tentacles to figure out colors and use camouflage to hide. These things are vicious, there really is no need for them to hide. I also don’t like how wriggly but firm their arms look. 

These particular cephalopods have a lot of other weird body parts which makes them even more off-putting. They have three hearts which kind of makes them impossible to kill. They have 4 pairs of arms to kill and murder their prey with and octopuses can regrow any of their arms if they lose them. A female octopus can lay up to 400,000 eggs, that is too many and I am surprised the ocean does not have more of the nasty creatures.

In general, octopuses are awful. It seems like they are plotting and making weird business deals. They have creepy tentacles that can do things they should not and a lot of other weird and disturbing qualities. Octopuses don’t even taste good, they are too rubbery and chewy. There really is no redeeming quality for these creatures.