Vex and the Verm – A Column: Farewell, Berlin

Less than two weeks ago, I learned I would not be going to Germany. I had applied for a fellowship that would take me across the pond and allow me to venture through German cities, mainly seeing media entities and how they function outside of the U.S. 

     Unfortunately, I knew the second it all fell apart. I heard sirens. Literally, I heard a fire truck outside blaring. I decided to mention it while I was interviewing, hoping it would break the tension on the Zoom call. My interviewees all just stared at me when I stated the observation. I was an alien to their operation and had to be terminated… to put it lightly. 

     It took a while to get over this devastation, I mean, after all, I’ve never even seen the ocean and this opportunity would have been that and so much more. I had mapped out my entire summer from going to Berlin, to working back home, to going back in August and to being an Resident Assistant. 

     That’s all changed, though. Within a couple of weeks, my entire summer, and for all I know, life had changed. Just a few nights ago, I filled out an application for an internship in Sioux Falls, and I realized that being an Resident Assistant was not something I longed for anymore. 

     This new realization came from this new potential internship, with my thought being to just commute from Vermillion to Sioux Falls, as well as someone asking me to live with them, with a monthly cost that I would be stupid not to accept. 

     All of this change got me thinking about what my plans were a few months ago, considering I am making plans three months in advance. They were nothing like the present ended up becoming. 

     Going back even further to last Spring, I had no desire to become a producer on Coyote News, at least not this soon into college. Cut to me now being a Co-Producer, and honestly, I am still wondering how I am surviving it. 

     Some people look back on their childhood and pine for that time. The time when they were safe and small and had no worries. I look back on those times the opposite. I see someone yearning for freedom. Filled with a desire to live, and that’s what I am doing. 

     In some ways, I love nostalgia and having those memories, to some extent. I love the people in them, but I would never want to go back there. If you keep going backward, you can never move forward or improve. 

     Clearly, I have no idea what my future will look like, but I know there is no point in trying to figure it out now. Like every good thing, it will just keep changing, and that’s great. 

     Don’t cry for me, Berlin; each day is a chance to be happier than I’ve ever been.